I hold myself

I tell you. People are the greatest lesson someone can ever learn. More people you deal with more you doubt on yourself. More you fail more you learn. The more you think you mastered it the more you fail on it. 

But it always might not be your fault , your mistake. People are just too unpredictable. And too cautious about their roles and their part ,they play , that sometime somewhere unwillingly they act the way their role should act without having the deep understanding about What is the right thing to do for their and others welfare.

I am a contain failure when it comes to understanding people. I am a slow learner when it comes to this understanding people too. The moment when I let down my guards thinking I know it all, that is when it hits me with a hurtful realization of not knowing that person even a bit. It feels like I studied the whole night , did brilliant in exams yet getting a shocking low result that I would stop me from believing and trusting my own capability of understanding. 

May be that is why , before I could even think about trusting others and believing my own understanding I hold myself 

Imagenation comes alive

      

Once someone said I think too much and I need to stop it . That I am emotionally too week to survive in this practical world. At that time I could do nothing than to agree more to it , and I tried to do it too. I stopped sitting on my chair in the balcony with my deep contemplation, gazing the stars and imagining  things, I stopped it all. I thought of being practical and tried to be that person he wanted . Going through this misery, one day I just felt like "why am I changing and throwing myself through this hell for someone who doesn't even gives a shit about me ?". After that day I felt like I was back and I was back with a bang . 

I think the way I am makes me " me ",the one I love , the one I appreciate the most. He might have concluded that I am better off without my over thinking and emotions , but only I know how over thinking and emotions works for me. Sitting on that chair in my balcony is like sitting on a sit in a rocket and revolving around the possibility and searching new ways to satisfy my hungry mind wanting for more . Sitting on that chair is like a grandma sitting on a rocking chair carefully knitting the plans one knot at a time. And when I am done with satisfaction of ideas then carefully knitting my plans, I make my imagination come alive ..

croptop : my own design / blue jeans / shoes : gifted

This croptop is my proud possession. I make it with a waste silk fabric (hardly a half a meter long) abandon in my college's gt classroom and that see through fabric uselessly laying on a corner..  

Chhadke

Why life is not as straight as it seems.? And why am I looking for a straight answer for it. For all that I have seen and been, I think I am little too retarded that I still hope for some desired answer to believe in. Life is  funny to me , neither I want live it nor I want to leave it. I think sometime I got back to my senses and sometimes  I lost every single bit of it. But for now I truly know , I didn't lose my senses, its always there within me and the problem is , life is not as straight as it seems . So,I might too walk Chhadke If this life can't be as straight as it seems

 jacked / Chhadke shirt -gifted by film's designer, stylist, my collegemate / blue pants -india /wedges-ramdom shop