The darker side of me

Lets see how it pours!! 

I am mean but no one beliefs . But is it true? Or, is it that no one can see it. if I am not then why do i feel it 

I don't know where I go wrong ,where I slip , or where I trip ? But I always feel guilty for being mean and selfish , but even more guilty when no one feels it. I am sick of people telling me how much nice and sweet I am and can be . So sick that i don't want to hear even a single sentence about it

 Sometimes it is like noone knows me and wants to know the real me . Who to blame when I only fake and say stupid things to keep them happy. Keeping them happy with my stupid things is the easier part . But it kills me is when they start expecting ..  I broke so many promises , faith , exceptions , and hopes intentionally ,  just so that i can be and stay free from the misery of letting them down and looking useless and imperfect. Sometimes I wonder why do they expect a perfect me when there is nothing such as a perfect and faultless living being.

PS.. I am mean, I am selfish , I am careless , I am fearless , I am bloody stubborn , I am funnily upturned , I am always doubtful, I am hellish rude , I am  weak , and I am always irritated . If you have never sensed it in me then , Better take a deeper look at me and think where is she hiding ..

knit/ leather jaket / blue faded pants / and gifted pumps